and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
