My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
