I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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