i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
