we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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