It's like God shit irony all over that family
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
