You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
