i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In other news, I just burned my penis
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
