so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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