a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Is it because I queefed?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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