Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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