the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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