you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm jealous of your bromance
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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