Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize