You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
