I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the day after is always just damage control
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
