Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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