sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
