Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
