I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
