Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
