There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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