If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
