they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
