Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
