You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize