Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got inside last night via doggy door
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
