I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
