I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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