She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
