WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you made out with another girl for some wings
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
