You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
