Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
