i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
why do cheetos always look like penises
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
