Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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