Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
