no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this boner is exhausting
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
