i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
