maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
