Please, let me fuck your mom
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize