That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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