My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
