I think I just saw someone hide a body.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
