why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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