My sheets look like a crime scene.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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