It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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