I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize