what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
