The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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