R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am spending my child support on dildos
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
