Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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