yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
