I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
