So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
