He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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