i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
