Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
