Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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