I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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