I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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