going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
