I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
