Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize