It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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